6.10.10 Day 2

This is the picture Aaron brought me this morning. He is still intubated and still as cute as can be. Today they will attempt to extubate him and see how he does on a machine called a Si-Pap. It is like a Bi-Pap machine people with sleep apnea use at night. If they are able to do that, they will also do some tests on him including some scans of his brain to see if he has any bleeding, which is highly likely and common for a preemie of his gestation. They also plan to insert a PICC line in his arm so that they can remove the umbilical line they placed in his belly button. This will allow us to hold him, as their is less risk for bleeding if it were to come out. Please Lord, let this plan for today work. I just want to hold my baby!

I finally make it up to the NICU and what to I see? My tough cookie with just oxygen through a nasal cannula! I couldn't believe it. He was intubated for less than 24 hours and already on oxygen! That's my boy! I was finally able to get a good look at his cleft lip and palate, as well. It is funny how that was the last thing on my mind at this point. Before, I was so worried about how that would affect him and now it was not a concern.

I took this picture as the nurses were messing with him. He kept swinging his little fists. He tried his darndest to hit one of them! He was done being messed with! Of course we all just laughed at him, but it was wonderful to see how feisty he was! He had so much fight in him!!

Later that afternoon placed his PICC line and I was FINALLY able to hold him! I was scared to touch him before, so now I am terrified to hold him. I sat in the recliner, shaking, as the nurse organized his wires and tubes. They placed him in my arms and I melted. He was so tiny! He snuggled right up close on my chest. I was in heaven.

6.9.10: I lied

The nurse asked if I could feel my legs and I said yes. I lied... It didn't even feel like anything was connected from the waist down, but they did not need to know that. I needed to see my son and that is what I was determined to do. Aaron had been in the NICU all day, signing consents and watching as they hooked our son up to every wire and tube imaginable. He was nice enough to take pictures and bring them down to my room so I could see them, but that was not good enough. I had to see him. So I lied.

They brought us a wheelchair and away we went. It seemed like the elevator took an hour to decide to show up. And even longer to take us a few floors up to the NICU. We rolled up to the window where they checked our armbands and signed in. Then we had to wash our hands. Thank goodness they had a low sink, so I could stay sitting and not fall on my butt. Then they buzzed us in and we made our way to what would become our corner of the world for the next month. Tucked away in the left  hand corner of the main NICU was our miracle.

I held my breath as we got closer. Nothing could prepare me for what I was about to see. My angel, so tiny, was intubated and hooked to a ventilator. He had more lines, wires, and tubes then I could count. Even as a nurse, it was hard to see. He looked so helpless. I was terrified to touch him as I opened the incubator and reached in. I couldn't believe how little he was. So little, but so strong. I was amazed as I touched his tiny head and hands. He had the tiniest, thinnest fingers I have ever seen. When he squeezed my finger, I began to cry. It did not seem real until that moment. I knew from that moment on, that he was going to fight. He was going to make it and amaze us all.

June 9, 2010- The day that changed our lives forever.

1am: It begins to storm.

3am: I wake up with contractions. They must just be Braxton Hicks, walk around for a minute, get a drink of water, go back to sleep.

5am: Wake up again, this time to get ready for work. I am still having contractions. Much stronger, closer together contractions. This cannot be good. I call my parents to let them know something may be up. Call the OB/GYN on call, tell Aaron to get dressed, and begin to pray.

6-7am are a blur. I know I ended up at the L&D of the hospital where I work as a RN. They started an IV, inserted a foley catheter, asked me 101 questions, and assessed me. I see the doctor for a few minutes. I throw up. I am told I am 6cm dilated. And I begin to freak out. Without anyone saying a word, I knew I was going to have my baby soon. WAY TOO SOON. 12 WEEKS TOO SOON. I close my eyes and cry, while praying harder than I have ever prayed in my life. I receive a dose of steroids to help Aiden's lungs produce the surfactant they have not yet produced. I throw up again. I am loaded onto a stretcher and taken down to an ambulance. I am being transferred to a hospital, literally across the street, that has a NICU. That 5 minute ambulance ride was the longest 5 minutes of my life. I was strapped to a stretcher with 2 nurses, a paramedic, and my terrified husband staring down at me. My doctor and my parents were in cars behind us.

8am: We arrive at Suburban Hospital and are taken upstairs to L&D. Again I am asked 101 questions, one of which was if I wanted an epidural. YES PLEASE! The anesthesiologist comes in and places my epidural (after the first 2 attempts.) I meet Dr Ellis, the neonatologist and Dr. Nusz who is taking over for the OB/GYN who was on call.

9am: I start chomping on some ice chips, when the delivery team wheels in their cart and goodies. Once again, without anyone saying a word, I knew that this meant I was having my baby. This time it meant right now. I hand Aaron my cup of ice and tell him to start praying. He still hasn't realized what was about to happen. In the room are Aaron, my mom, and his mom. All crying at this point. The nurse begins to tell me what I have already assumed. Dr Nusz instructs me when to push. The epidural is really throwing me off, it was so hard to push when you cannot feel a thing, but I kept pushing... and crying.... and praying.

9:10am: I hear the most amazing sound I have ever heard.... my baby's cries. I see him for a few seconds and he is taken to the other side of the room where Dr Ellis and the nurses check him out. I am breaking my neck to see him, as my doctor tries to stop my bleeding. I continue to pray while Aaron takes pictures and video of out little guy. Then I hear what I was waiting to hear.... he was healthy! Perfect APGAR scores, 10 fingers, 10 toes, lungs that sounded as healthy as could be. Aiden Michael, our miracle, weighed 2 lb 15 oz and was 15.5 inches long. Much bigger than we expected!

June 1, 2010- More Dr's Appointments

At this point I am pretty tired of all the appointments and co-pays that come along with them! But today we get to see the specialist, Dr Weeks, again. We were hoping to get some better pictures of Aiden this time, but that did not happen. The little booger kept his hands in front of his face most of the time. We were able to see that the cleft more than likely did affect his palate, as we were hoping it did not. Oh well, just one more hurdle for us to jump, we can do it! Here is a picture we did catch.

We have another appointment in 2 weeks to have another ultrasound, maybe he will cooperate more then!

May 2010- just a year behind!!

           So, it is finally sinking in that our little man is going to have what the cleft community refers to as a "Wide Smile." By this point I have done research in this short time then I ever did for any of my 3 college degrees. It is completely overwhelming but comforting at the same time.
            I was fortunate enough to come across an amazing support group on a community board, as well as finding a wonderful blog written by an amazing mom of triplets (one of which has a cleft.) Ami may not realize it, but she has helped me so much along this crazy journey. Reading her blog and the kind words in her messages to me kept me grounded when my world felt like it was turning upside down. It was so nice to see that it really would all be okay when it felt as though it wouldn't be. Thank you Ami, for being so kind and for sharing the story of your Bunchkins with so many!
           Aside from taking this time to educate ourselves on what is to come, we are trying to get Aiden's nursery together and just live life. So far I have the bedding... firemen of course! Just need to order and assemble his furniture, decorate, and wait. Little did we know he would be here before ANY of that was accomplished!
             It is also DERBY TIME is Kentucky and this is a pretty big deal here in Louisville! So as usual, we head over to my grandma's annual Derby party like I have been doing my whole life. I cannot wait until next year, when Aiden will be here with us.
         Also this month is my baby cousin's graduation from grade school. I say baby cousin because that is what she will always be to me, a baby.. not this teenager she has become! She has always been my mini-me, she is an incredibly smart, caring young lady and I am so proud of her. I am also proud of her choice in high schools! She has decided (with a little nudge from yours truly, to go to Mercy! I told you she was smart!) I think I may have cried more than her own mother at the graduation. I love that girl! Later I plan to ask her to be Aiden's Godmother.. wonder what the answer will be?!

         This month has been kind of a blur with fire department banquets, parties, work, doctor's appointments (with  different OB/GYNs- my regular and a specialist.) It is finally time to have some fun on the river for Memorial day! Don't mind my big belly or blinding whiteness. It was way too hot to keep covered up!
         
      I almost forgot the super cute letters I made for his wall! By the end of May we did have at least one thing ready for his arrival!
I used letters from Hobby Lobby and different scrapbooking papers, ribbons, stickers, and Mod.Podge. I love the way they turned out! I just wish that I would have bought an exacto knife to cut the paper. It would have made things much easier!

Slacker Mom Here!

I started this blog with full intentions of keeping up with it. But of course, work, school, family, everyday life has kept me from that! I am going to attempt to change that today, by getting Aiden's story back on track!!

Happy Reading!
~Lauren